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In fact, it can be anyone! And that is why we go in and out and in and out of a relationship, one after another, because we keep going through this process of supplanting our ideals onto each person we meet. Why do we keep getting attached and breaking off? Is it because we are not good enough? Why do I keep meeting the wrong guy? Am I not many to have a relationship? Do I not know how to love? And as explained, it could be because you are wanting to find someone to replace an inner emotional need inside you, more than looking to find someone and learning more about them.

So, we have to be be aware of this — do we feel an inner need inside us? A loneliness, a wanting to be loved? And many of us do.

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Truth is, we grow up being unclear about what it means to be gay, or what it means to like guys. We are unsure — when we have a relationship with another guy, what should we do? Is it like a straight relationship? So as we learn to understand what other gay people and relationships are like, we make sense from by learning from the people we meet. Then, when we get to know more gay people, and start to date some of them, we realise that if they are meeting us for the first time, and when they decide to be together with us, then we think — oh, so this is what a gay relationship is like!

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You meet a guy for the first time and then you immediately become attached! So, you learn from them! You start thinking that gay relationships cannot last.

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And so, we stop looking for relationships. We start just having sex, since, hey again, everyone is just having sex too! We become part of the community we criticize and we live with it.

And we became disappointed with the community and with ourselves and we start to lose hope. But wait! We have learnt from the people we meet and follow what they do, without reflecting on what it really means for us, and why we do certain things. We need to look into our lives, understand how it had been developing and how our beliefs and mindsets have developed from them — and whether we can, with this renewed understanding, do something about them.

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Part 2 can be found here. Part 3 can be found here. I had wanted to write to share my experiences, so that others might not have to go through what I did to learn, and can hopefully find a way to become happier faster than I did. You are commenting using your WordPress.

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